Thanksgiving Thoughts: Friend not Acquaintance -- Leader not a Boss

Friend not Acquaintance – Leader not a Boss

A friend is the kind of person you can know for a short time or a long time, but the relationship lasts forever; partly because you can pick up right where you left off. Connections like this bond us together whether by affinity, or common values, or even enduring trauma together. An acquaintance is just a weaker version without the loyalty, love, or forgiveness. A friend puts up with your foibles, short-comings, and vanity. They like you because of the failures.

Acquaintances use you for networking; a friend covers your back when you aren’t looking. To me, a friend equals integrity; an acquaintance is temporary. I’ve experienced this deeply over the past year in various “reunion” scenarios and have written about it here at the New Rostra, previously (08/05/2013):

http://rostranovum.blogspot.com/2013/08/open-letter-to-class-of-1983.html

but it’s a theme that cuts deep and red. Many complicated endeavors come down to relationships, because humans require trust and intimacy to interact as we do our eyes, ears, and tongues; it’s just how we’re wired.

A team works well together because it realizes each person works to complete an important part of the objective; and without each person it is likely the goal cannot be reached. Football is the ultimate team game; when the television replay shows the choreography of an offensive touchdown, each player’s performance works out in super-slow motion. Teams have fun together easily, but when meetings are serious, or the tasks ahead seemingly insurmountable; together they know there’s at least a fighting chance for victory.

A team may not all be friends, as I’ve described above; however, through their common bond of cooperation they can develop relationships much like a brotherhood-in-arms. Teams must have well-defined roles, strong leadership to steward the group through adversity, and a spirit of joy in the process that says, “I’d rather be here with you now, doing this job, than anywhere else along the line. Let’s do it!”

I’d rather have a leader than a boss. Someone who can keep vision and values intact, yet who has the grace and wisdom to let each team member exercise their God-given talents to the best of their ability; matching them to the tasks that need to be accomplished. Leaders inspire, bosses retire. Any leader will have to do the dirty “carrot-or-the-stick” work of being a boss; but they don’t have to slash & burn through the troops without understanding each teammate’s personal situation. To a Boss, you are a “direct-report” to be managed and manipulated. To a Leader, you are a person, a friend even; someone important enough to develop along the way in reaching goals because of the long-term perspective: leaders know there will be many more battles. Bosses look for the weekend, the vacation, or retirement, as their ultimate destination.

Valuing teamwork is easier said than done, and it’s one of the S.P.I.R.I.T. values my company takes seriously. My supervisor was a great example of a leader not a boss…

I’m thankful today for knowing someone in these ways every day for almost two years. He was more than a boss; someone I liked immensely as a person and respected inherently as a leader. I’ve survived some horrible bosses during other times in my career, many of whom were talented tacticians but challenging to work with. I considered this one a friend with the appropriate boundaries; the best of both worlds.

My current supervisor was special: capable, confident, affable, approachable, loving, funny, sincere, and most of all successful at leadership of our team; he was the rare talented professional who lived out corporate values in a real way, thinking of the team before himself and leading us into battle with all our respect. He will be acutely missed but we understand that he made this life decision with his family first, and the future of his career second; which meant he felt it best to move to another city. Commitment is really only permanent when it comes to family, I get that. Thankfully, the energy economy is so robust that such a move is possible; but it leaves a gaping hole in our leadership, turning a buoyant team-boat upside down.

I could write another post about the preeminence of change; how when you get comfortable doing something, watch out!? Change is coming; it’s the only constant in the corporate world today.  This broken-bone is going to take some time to heal; but I'm looking forward to the challenge 2015 poses. The best way to honor the memory of this two-year run is to imitate, replicate, encourage, and perform in the way that would make him proud; he would expect nothing more and ask for nothing less.

"God gave us a spirit not to fear others, but to be wise, bold, loving and sensible; enjoying our time with the people around us." 2 Timothy 1:7

“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.”

~Laozi (5th century B.C.)

copyright(2014)©Mark H. Pillsbury