Fars News Agency: Ahmadinejad Invites Chavez to NAM Summit in Tehran

Fars News Agency :: Ahmadinejad Invites Chavez to NAM Summit in Tehran:


'via Blog this'

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the President of Iran, called his fellow dictator and evil twin Hugo Chávez in Venezuela (can you imagine?):

"hU-go, are you on the line?" "This is Mah-mood." The fuzzy connection across time zones made it hard to hear.

“Sorry about calling so late, Hugo, it is already seven o’clock in the morning here; have you had a busy day?” (It was 10pm the previous day in Caracas)

“Not really, Mahmoud,” buenos dias, said Chávez.

"How are you feeling, dude?" Ahmadinejad continued, "I hope the treatment doesn't get you down." The dictator Mahmoud Amadinejad continued, "were you able to sneak up to M. D. Anderson, or are you stuck with those Cuban quacks for Doctors you told me about?"

"Don't worry about me Mahmoud, how are you feeling about this big world we are about to take over?” Chávez smiled as he talked.*

"Well, the NAM summit in August is for the biggest Heads of State in our organization; it would be excellent if you could make it?" Ahmadinejad said, adding, "you know that decisions are made by consensus, but they require substantial agreement on issues. I think you always sway the committee with your sharp rhetoric." "If you are up to it."


Chávez inquired, "Mahmoud, you are hosting this event, is that correct?" "And going to the London Olympics as well?"


"Yes, I am the NAM president this year and the meeting is in Tehran," Ahmadinejad replied.


"Sent the invite to Nick, but I wanted to call and check on you; this is my secure  iPhone®, are you on a good line, or would you rather me text you?" Chávez replied that everything on his end was secure.

Ahmadinejad replied, “I am still frustrated about my f#cking nuclear scientists; they are way behind schedule.”

He continued, “these d$mn diplomatic meetings we're putting up with are making my team distracted as well…”


"Mr. President, you have always done fine in these types of meetings; your ability to obfuscate and confuse is superior even to Auric Goldfinger!"

image credit: Kerry Waghorn

"Thanks, hU-go, I will take that as a compliment," adding, "I remember the last time we hung-out in Costa Rica, fishing; you liked the old James Bond movies!"


"But I am serious about this NAM summit; our struggle against imperial racists and pigs is only strengthened by your presence; besides, this year NAM is also also going to be a huge party,"

"I am also inviting the heads of state of Cuba, Nicaragua, Ecuador and Bolivia; you know how those middle-American guys like to drink?!" (Chávez laughed on his end of the connection).


Ahmadinejad whispered into his phone, "come a few days early Hugo, and I will show you our developing nuke program; we have certainly made great strides in providing cheap consistent energy for our citizens, and our military!"

Chávez moaned, "Now you are making this sick old communist berry jealous..."

"I know the "Roosevelt Corollary" to the Monroe Doctrine makes it hard for you to develop a nuke program like we have; you just stay focused on your oil business and getting well, brother. I am going to keep America busy for now; you take care of yourself," said Ahmadinejad.

"Mahmoud, you sound like such a statesman!" "I'm impressed," he said sarcastically.

Ahmadinejad defended himself proudly, "my Ph.D. is for transportation engineering and planning, but I can read the American history books too," "America is for Americans!" "That's their cr*p throw-down line, isn't it?"

"Evil forces have been mobilized from all directions to apply pressure on countries like ours Hugo, so I want to get our nuke program strongly established before I leave office next year."

"Bless you, bless you Mr. President; I hope you accomplish all that you set out to," Chávez added, "and if you make it back from Moscow in June, I hope to see you at the NAM summit in August..."

"It's late brother, I am going to let you get to bed."

"Thanks for taking my call, you old war-horse."

"You will be in my prayers today in our capital, the holy city..."

Chávez cautioned his old friend, "watch out for those Navy jets Mahmoud; when one of those carriers parks in the Persian Gulf, it's like having a policeman at the end of your street!"

"I hear them sometimes at night, my friend; all we have to quarrel with them is a couple of old Tomcats," adding, "but I am trying to get one good bomber ready, if you know what I mean?!"

"Indeed, mah-moud, good night from Caracas!" 

Chávez hung up. Evil sizzled through the night.

©Mark H. Pillsbury
(political fiction ripped from the headlines)

*Editors note: Hugo Chavez died on March 5, 2013